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批改一篇英语作文:关于培训

2023-05-19 21:59:08 451

摘要:批改一篇英语作文,并加以解说。原作文来自网络,谨致意。修改前White-hot Training in the SocietyA recent survey indicates that all increasingly large num...

批改一篇英语作文,并加以解说。原作文来自网络,谨致意。

修改前

White-hot Training in the Society

A recent survey indicates that all increasingly large number of people attend various training enthusiastically. And there has been a heated argument about whether people should attend it. Different people hold different views due to their financial conditions and personal inclinations. Many people attend various training willingly for the sake of a high mark on the academic records or getting different certificates. As for me, I am in favor of going against training.

For one thing, the aim of training is to help people pass all kinds of examinations and it mainly focuses on the teaching of examination skills, and it never trains people to think creatively and even restricts their efforts in getting command of the knowledge. For another, people spend so much time participating in various training that they cannot spare enough time for the new or creative job. Moreover, the tuition fees of the training are usually high, thus laying great financial burden on people.

From the above analysis, attending training will do people no good, and it is time-consuming as well as costly. Therefore, more and more people should be aware of the disadvantages of various training.

修改中

解说

“White-hot Training in the Society“ —— 这大概是“培训热”的直译,但这题目并不反映文章的实际内容。这篇作文主要是讲培训热的弊端。改一下,套用哈姆雷特的名言:“To Train or Not to Train, That Is the Question”(培训呢,还是不培训呢,这是一个问题)。

“all increasingly large number of people attend various training enthusiastically” —— 这个表述挺拗口。改一下:”more and more people eagerly attend all kinds of train programs”(越来越多的人们参加五花八门的培训项目)。

“And there has been a heated argument” —— 通常不用“And”引起一个单独的句子。“has been”,能使用一般现在时就没有必要使用现在完成时。“argument”可以是“争论”,也可以是“观点”,明确起见,这里改成“debate”. “There is now a heated debate”(现在人们激烈地争论)。

“whether people should attend it“ —— “attend ”在前面刚使用过了,不宜再用。“it”代指不清,因为这里并不是单指某一特定培训项目。简洁起见,直接说“whether people should do so”,“do so”代指前面说到的事情。

“Different people hold different views” —— 没有必要重复使用“different”,就说“People hold different views”(人们有不同的观点)。

“Many people attend various training willingly for the sake of . . .”—— 说一些人参加培训就是为了让简历好看一些等等,意思可以,但这句话放在这里不合适。文章首段要推出中心思想,至于具体事项,也就是培训的各种弊端,应合并到文章里后面的部分。

“As for me” —— “As for me”通常表示与前面所属意见不同或相反。在这里,前面并没有表示某一特定观点,只是说有争议,所以“as for me”不是很恰当。可以说“in my opinion”,“as I see it”(在我看来)。

“I am in favor of going against training”(我赞成反对培训),这就罗嗦了,直接说我反对培训就完了。换个说法,“In my opinion, such training is unnecessary”(在我看来,这种培训没有必要)。

“For one thing, the aim of training is to help people pass all kinds of examinations and it mainly focuses on the teaching of examination skills, and it never trains people to think creatively and even restricts their efforts in getting command of the knowledge.” —— 这句话挺长,组织得不好。“the aim of training is to help”似乎是描述一个基本事实,但作者本意是批评这个行为,这里的文字没有表达出这个意思。可以改成“many programs just tutor people to pass exams”(许多项目只是教别人应试),这里的“just”(只是)表现出批评。

“it never trains people”,这个“it”代指不对,因为前面的主语是“aim of training”(培训目的),但“目的”并不培训人。“their efforts in getting command of the knowledge”,复杂化了,可以说“their efforts to acquire knowledge”。全句改为:“For one thing, many programs just tutor people to pass exams. The Trainers don’t encourage people to think creatively, and they sometimes even restrict efforts to acquire knowledge.” (首先,许多项目只是辅导应考。培训人并不鼓励人们创造性地思考,甚至时常限制人们获取知识的努力。)

“cannot spare enough time” —— “spare time”通常是指在做什么费力有益的事情时找出时间,但本文作者认为培训本身就是浪费时间,所以也就不要说什么“spare enough time”。改成“can’t find time”。

“the tuition fees of the training are usually high, thus laying great financial burden on people” —— “tuition fees”,“学费费用”,两个字重复,而且tuition通常用于正规院校,对于培训机构,直接说“fee”就好了。再者,这句话的主语是“学费”,后面的动词lay意为“放置”,通常我们说什么人把什么东西放置在什么地方,并不说什么东西把它自己放置在哪里。这里用一个从句,“fees . . ., which end up as a heavy financial burden on people”,这些费用“最终成为”人们身上的财务负担。

“From the above analysis, attending training will . . .” —— “From the above analysis”与其后的“attending training”似乎连接不上。通常可以说,“From the above analysis, it follows”,或者“It may be deduced from the above analysis”。而且这文章里只是列举几个简单的理由,就说是“分析”,言重了。改成“For reasons given above”,“因为上述原因”。

“attending training will do people no good” —— 说培训一点儿益处也没有,好像太绝对了。婉转一些,“will do people little good”(没有什么大的帮助;有点儿益处,但不多)。

“Therefore, more and more people should . . .” —— 中国人的英语作文里,therefore这种词用得太多了。这一段本身就是结论,直述观点就好,没有必要再“因此”。当然,therefore这种词用滥了,一个原因就是八股文要考这种词语的使用。

“more and more people should be aware of” —— more and more(越来越多)通常用来描述一个正在发生的过程,但文章的作者在这里是说,更多的人们“应该”怎样,那就没有必要讲“more and more people”;一个more就好!

“the disadvantages of various training” —— disadvantage好像含有比较的意思在内,与什么事物相比,有“劣势”,但在文章里作者除了批评培训,也并没有讲到有什么更好办法可以提高人们的竞争力,所以就不用disadvantage这个字眼吧,可以说“limitations of training programs”(培训项目的局限性)。另外,“various”是说“各种”、”不同的”,有复数的含义,“training”是不可数,所以“various training”听上去有点儿别扭。可以说“various training programs”(各种培训项目)。因为various training programs这个说法在文中已出现过一两次,再改一下,“such endeavors”(这样的努力)。

修改后

翻译

培训呢,还是不培训呢,这是一个问题

最近的一项调查表明,越来越多的人们热衷于参加各种培训项目。 关于人们是否应该这样做,现在有激烈的争论。 基于各自的财务状况和个人偏好,人们对这个问题持有不同的看法。 在我看来,这样的培训是不必要的。

首先,许多项目只是指导人们通过考试。 培训师不鼓励人们进行创造性思考,他们有时甚至限制人们获取知识的努力。

再者,人们在培训上花费大量精力,以至于他们找不到足够的时间来整备自己,迎接新的或富于创造性的工作。

此外,培训费用通常很高,这些费用最终成为压在人们身上的沉重的经济负担。

由于上述原因,参加所有这些培训项目对人们并没有什么好处。更多的人应该意识到这种努力的局限性。

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